you guys were way drunker than both of me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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