i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
