What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
