the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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