with your own penis?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
