$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
