return my video game
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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