It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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