I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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