I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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