Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
