he wants to bone in the snuggie
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
