He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
