I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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