i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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