census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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