Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
