Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
