I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
