I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
