peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
