I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
