i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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