I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
