Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
