Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
