it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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