i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
