i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
