dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
