Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
