i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
