where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
