tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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