Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
