he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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