I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
