Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize