I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
