My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
