Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
