I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
