Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
