i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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