She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
