how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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