a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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