It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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