My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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