Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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