do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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