You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
