I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
