If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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