i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
