Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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