Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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