When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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