why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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