shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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