never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
