my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
