discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
