Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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