i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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