so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
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i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it