Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
