No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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