I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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